Ohana

“Family is everything” “Family no matter what” “Family comes first” “Family means nobody gets left behind”

I could go on. And on. And on. We are exposed to these quotes and sayings throughout our lives. Quotes that suggest family are numero uno, number one, THE most valuable thing.

The reality is our experiences of a family differs and the individuals who form a part of our family do not always deserve to be made a priority.

It has taken me up until this point of my life to finally understand this. To finally understand that I do not owe anything to the people who have caused me pain and/or distress.

Yes we share genetics. Yes we once even shared a home environment. What we do not share is an outlook on life and how we treat people. This is why I

Cut

You

Out.

And oh did these feel incredible. I felt free. I felt strong. I felt like a mountain. Now I understand why yoga teachers describe the ‘mountain pose’ as a firm, strong foundation to help you feel more grounded. Great name, great pose.

However, there still seems to be constant reminders of family. I see it on the television, I see it when out and about, even a song can sometimes remind me of them! It is so hard to know what the best thing is to do. I am so happy to not have them in my life yet I still feel like I am missing something.

During the time of writing this post I felt – lost.

Haven’t you tried…

I am an overthinker. I usually have about ten different thoughts whizzing around my head at any one time. These thoughts often circle around and around in (what seems to be) a never ending cycle. I often describe this feeling as ‘fuzzy’ – my brain feels fuzzy.

I like to think of myself as quite open and communicative. Therefore, when I am feeling sad etc I do communicate this to someone I trust/feel comfortable with. I completely understand that the individual/s cares and so, wants you to feel better but their responses are usually along the lines of…

Haven’t you tried distracting your thoughts?

Haven’t you tried sleeping it off?

What about trying to control the emotions rather than letting the emotions control you?

I find watching my favourite videos help. Haven’t you tried this?

The list goes on. Suggestions are always appreciated but in that moment, I get frustrated because if it was as easy as watching a video to distract myself then YES I would do this every time (if it worked). I know you’re probably reading this now thinking “but one day someone could suggest something and it does work?” You’re right, that could happen, but for now the only way my brain gets out of this overthinking is something will randomly switch and I feel a lot more relaxed. Nothing triggers it. It just happens.

We are all unique and our brains work in different ways so it is best to thank the person for offering suggestions, but focus on you. Learn about yourself and what specifically works for you.

During the time of writing this post I felt – frustrated.

Pilot

Welcome to what can only be described as a rollercoaster into my life. Well a more suitable ride, as opposed to a rollercoaster, to describe my experiences would be the haunted house ride. Not only have I experienced ups and downs (like a rollercoaster), I also never knew what was going to pop up around the corner. And, it was those unexpected moments that affected me internally.

I guess that first paragraph does not give much away. Good. There would be a decreased amount of interest in my future posts if I word vomited everything in a few sentences. Oh, and if you haven’t guessed already, I am new to blogging. It was always something I did not feel confident in doing. The thought of somebody picking apart everything I wrote put me off. However, I am doing this for me and I am going to try to articulate my thoughts through this platform. I could be naïve but I am starting to believe that writing is a healer.

“Writing is medicine. It is an appropriate antidote to injury. It is an appropriate companion for any difficult change.”

My future posts may intrigue you, they may make you stop and think (ironically I’ll be writing them to help ease the overthinking in my mind), or they may even bore you. If the latter is the case I would not take offence because, I will reiterate, I am doing this for me.

I will always end my posts with one word to describe how I felt at the time of writing – today is introspective.